Facing Yourself

Last week, I saw a video by Mark Manson, Author of 'The Subtle Art of Not giving a F--k', where he explained why it seems like most self-help books never really help. He explained how, even as a writer, himself in the self-help genre, he can admit that the book itself and the knowledge it provides is age old common sense- but that the problem itself is that self work is harder than most other things to do.

When you finish it's last page and put that book back on your shelf, you are left with you. And that's truly where it starts.

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Confronting ourselves is so difficult, that we often fall off, give up and just resort to reading all the self- help books possible, in the name of self development, never realizing that, after the books, putting to practice what the books say to do is the hardest part.

And that part is up to us.

That part is up to me.

There is no book there, when I feel anxious and my emotions have me a wreck. There is no book that will make me stand up and go, when it's time to go to the gym. There is no book that will make my lips form the words 'No' instead of saying what I want is what you want, because I'm scared of making you feel bad. There is no book that will make me stand up for Fiwa, if I don't practice doing it myself. And as easy as it is to say- it is hard to do. So, when it is all said and done and written and read, really figuring that part out is up to me.

Part of what makes it so hard, is that so many of our processes are unconscious.

Yes, like you, I have seen this said so many times, that it feels like hogwash. But it is why, we can do things with the best of intentions, but looking back are just leaving a trail of disappointment, hurt and pain in ourselves or in others.

We feel hungry and sad- so we resort to daily comfort eating to be happy, but when the high dies down, we feel groggy, slowly pile on the weight and feel even more sad and disappointed in ourselves. We feel pain and alone, so we take it out on others, and feel even more pain and even more isolated when no one wants to be around us. We are scared others don't like us, so we put on an air of not caring to mask our insecurity, and then, with time we prove to ourselves that no one likes us since they sure haven't tried to ninja breakthrough the walls we have put up.

Most people don't sit back and plot like witches on what perfect way to hurt themselves or ruin their own lives. We do things to meet certain needs for ourselves and are unaware of the toxicity that we are engaging in, and of course, unaware of what is driving us to behave the way we do.

So how do we stop ourselves from doing things that we aren't even consciously doing? How is that not impossible? If possible, how is that not HARD?

Luckily, you CAN do hard things. We can do hard things.

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I am committed myself to facing myself head on, in the worst of times and in the best of times. I know that I will not regret the pain that it takes to sort through my messed up views on myself, on the world, on love, on doom, on the future, on failure, on dreams, on relationships, on limitations.

We know the saying-

"Wherever you go, there you are."

Well, I want to be with a Fiwa who is not plagued by herself.

We shouldn't be our own worst enemies.

I am grateful for all the books, and I will keep learning from the fearless people who have faced themselves and gained the insight to write them.

But I know that part is up to me.